


One Shot, One Still

by ccauchemar



Series: Espoir [6]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Domestic, Epistolary, F/F, Fluff, Multiplicity/Plurality, Photography, Recovery, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2019-06-21 12:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15558174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccauchemar/pseuds/ccauchemar
Summary: [A. LACROIX LEANS ON THE TABLE. CAMERA REMAINS AIMED AT HER FACE. HER HAIR IS TIED IN A HIGH PONYTAIL.]I bought a new camera. Specifically for video.[SHE GRINS.]You and I… are going to havesomuch fun.---------A short story of moving forwards, and moving on.





	1. Transcript 101

[RECORDING STARTED AT 1213 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

[THE WAIST OF A. LACROIX, WEARING A WHITE TANK TOP AND CARGO PANTS, IS VISIBLE. SHE IS LEANING OVER THE CAMERA. VIDEO QUALITY IS SIGNIFICANTLY HIGHER THAN PREVIOUS RECORDINGS. APPEARS TO BE IN L. OXTON’S DINING ROOM.]

[SHE PICKS UP THE CAMERA AND FOCUSSES IT ON HER FACE. SHE IS SMILING. SHE LOOKS BACK AND FORTH OFF SCREEN.]

[A. LACROIX PUSHES SOMETHING (PACKAGING?) OUT OF THE WAY AND LEANS ON THE TABLE. CAMERA REMAINS AIMED AT HER FACE. HER HAIR IS TIED IN A HIGH PONYTAIL.]

...Hey.

[A. LACROIX GIGGLES.]

Oh, _c’est beau..._ I bought a new camera. Specifically for video. It does stills, too, but it’s mostly for video.

[SPEAKS WHILE MOVING CAMERA AROUND. VIEW TILTS AND BLURS AS SHE INSPECTS CAMERA.]

Oh, I’m so excited, look at you… Look at this. Look... wow…! You and I…

[FOCUSSES CAMERA ON HER FACE AGAIN. SHE LOOKS VERY HAPPY. A. LACROIX GRINS.]

...are going to have _so_ much fun. But who would I be if I didn't end on a dramatic note, hmm? That would be _very_ un-Fatale of me.

[SHE PAUSES, FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT, AND CLEARS HER THROAT.]

One shot, one still.

[SHE WINKS.]

[END TRANSCRIPT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was saved as a draft, and would have expired tomorrow... I forgot it was there. But this series has a special place in my heart and soul. I couldn't let it lie.
> 
> I've had a rough time since I last updated Raptor's Grip. This initial entry was inspired by some of the positive parts of my absence. But, in writing, no matter how slow I go, I will persevere.
> 
> Despite everything, the future is _always_ in your hands.


	2. Transcript 102

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops... I didn't realise this was listed as a "complete work".
> 
> It's not.

[RECORDING STARTED AT 1927 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

[A. LACROIX CLICKS HER TONGUE, SNAPS HER FINGERS. MURMURS TO HERSELF.]

Testing, testing. Un, deux, trois...

[END TRANSCRIPT]


	3. Transcript 103

[RECORDING STARTED AT 1414 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

I hate to christen you with a dreary log, camera, but something is weighing heavily on my mind. I need to say it, to let it rest.

[SHE EXHALES HEAVILY. BEAT.]

Therapy has changed me. For both… better and… something else, I think. I have changed. Look at me, I… I’m smiling. Most of the time.

It’s been a long time since I used my old camera. It’s in my desk drawer now. It worked, yes, but it is very, very old. Aha. I'm not sure what warrants catching up on.

...I’ve changed. There are many things I’ve been allowed to work through, in myself - complicated feelings, complicated answers - but sometimes it feels… wrong. There have been times where, where I was only trying to defend myself. She, the psychologist, pried too deep - I had to make it stop.

Then she kept digging, and got to the root of why I was defending myself, and dismantled me, like…

[SHE BALLS HER HANDS INTO FISTS AND INHALES.]

It’s not fair. I’m fixating on that singular time, a little, It was… It was…  I don’t want to say it was traumatising in its own way.

…

I’m different.

What’s the point in healing if I can’t do it on my own terms? I don’t want to be someone else. I don’t want to be changed, again, and turned into something new, again. Not in the name of healing, not in, in the name of anything. The person I was before my course of seeing her, though cold, though indifferent, though afraid, was someone different to  _ this.  _ She knew who she was and she knew what needed fixing. She knew that she had a role, to protect, to be the buffer, so that others could heal themselves, and then she could heal herself -  _ later.  _ If I, she, me then, were allowed to defend  _ Amélie  _ from the overwhelming cruelty of her own memories,  _ perhaps  _ we would be slightly different.

But we didn’t, we weren’t given that luxury, and I have changed.

[SHE PUTS HER HEAD IN HER HANDS.]

I just… want to decide… who  _ I  _ am. I don’t want anyone else to decide for me. Not in the name of healing. Not in the name of anything.

I think the thing that hurts me the most is that she was only doing her job.

[END TRANSCRIPT]


	4. Transcript 104

[RECORDING STARTED AT 1028 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

[A. LACROIX IS CARRYING THE CAMERA TOWARDS THE COUCH. THE VIDEO SHAKES. L. OXTON APPEARS TO BE PLAYING A VIDEO GAME.]

LACROIX: Hey. Hey, Lena. Look.

OXTON: What is it, love? Oh my god, are you filming me?

LACROIX: [GIGGLING] Oui. Say cheese.

OXTON: You aren’t gonna post that anywhere, are you?

LACROIX: Ah yes, I’m going to post a video of my partner playing Minecraft in her puppy-print pyjamas to the internet.

OXTON: [VISIBLY OFFENDED]  _ Excuse _ me! Minecraft’s good!

[THE CAMERA SHAKES A BIT. A. LACROIX MAY BE LAUGHING SILENTLY.]

LACROIX: You love it so much.

OXTON: Tell that to Fatale an’ her hot pink wool house!

LACROIX: C’est Fatale, chérie. I’m not teasing. I love my hot pink wool house. I just love how much you love... [A. LACROIX SITS NEXT TO L. OXTON ON THE COUCH, AND TURNS THE CAMERA TO FACE THEM] ...Minecraft.

OXTON: [SHY] Aww, love, I’m not camera ready…

[A. LACROIX KISSES L. OXTON ON THE CHEEK.]

LACROIX: I wanted to film something happy. I wanted to leave the past behind. Videos with you in them aren’t going  _ anywhere  _ unless you give me express permission.

[L. OXTON LEANS ON A. LACROIX’S SHOULDER AND SMILES.]

OXTON: I love you. Can y’turn it off, though?

LACROIX: Of course.

[END TRANSCRIPT]


	5. Transcript 105

[RECORDING STARTED AT 2311 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

[PENSIVE] Gérard is long gone. My heart may ache from the things that he was responsible for, but it heals with each passing day. I can blossom. I can become myself in ways I couldn't before. I can become someone new and beautiful, who Fatale insists is both fire and ice, but we both know she's the dramatic one.

I love flowers. I love learning. I want to learn photography, and I want to sing.

I'm becoming so happy in my own skin. 

[END TRANSCRIPT]


	6. Transcript 106

[RECORDING STARTED AT 0053 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Fatale… has been… keeping me from using the camera. I don’t know why. Maybe she’s possessive.

I… [YAWNS] have been using - I mean, taking, photography classes. A beginner’s class in film photography. It is good. We are rolling film in the dark, making contact negatives, and fiddling with exposure times.

It’s very organic. It’s very… imperfect. In that it has lots of variables, and I must tweak it, in every step of the creation process. It’s a process of understanding and adapting.

[YAWNS] I liked taking pictures of flowers. They aren’t very good yet. I fiddled with the ISO too much, and the exposure was too high. I will adjust it. I will learn.

It is a pleasant learning process, I [YAWNS] Please excuse me I am very tired but I had a cup of tea and now I can’t sleep - [YAWNS] [BLEARY] Okay. I should… probably sleep. [YAWNS] Okay. Wow. Okay.

Amélie signing off for the night. Adieu.

[END TRANSCRIPT]


	7. Transcript 107

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got a mad concussion on the 3rd so the next raptor's grip update is gonna be pushed back til the end of the month, sorry!
> 
> in the meanwhile, have some fluff.

[RECORDING STARTED AT 1304 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Salut! Amélie here. The film course has taken a break for the holiday season.

I’m… disappointed, by how _difficult,_ it is to stay in focus. Attending each class is… a much more difficult task than it seems. Lena is very kind, and insists that it is a normal side effect of dissociation. Losing track of time. Missing appointments.

[DRYLY] After so long finding it easy to hit marks, missing them is less than amusing.

I think Fatale knows how to do enlargements. My memory is not so clear there. But I enjoyed, immensely, taking photographs! Fiddling with these old, terribly old cameras - they’re so… _mechanical._ They are so physical. You must make the adjustments yourself. You cannot let the film be exposed to light until you are ready to snap shots. You must fiddle, and fiddle, and fiddle… And you will never know what the final product is like until you are holding it, physically, in your hands.

I am a tired woman. It’s difficult to stay present for lessons, even when I want to be. I am not the only one who must make use of this body’s available energy. But it’s so lovely. I will continue to do my best to absorb that information. It is mine! It is my _own._ I will never be able to do ballet again, and that saddens me, but I can learn this.

I cannot, _cannot,_ ever emphasise enough how much I love to learn. It is what makes _me_ alive.

[END TRANSCRIPT]


	8. Transcript 108

[RECORDING STARTED AT 1243 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Imagine you are trapped in your own body.

Perhaps you are on the couch. Lying in comfort. Perhaps you are in the bath. Perhaps you are sitting, not standing, and are overcome with a wave of weakness so powerful you cannot resist, and have only seconds to sit down, or lie down.

You are thankful it is in the privacy of your own home. There is not, usually, anybody around.

Imagine you cannot control your body. There is nothing poetic about it. You lie there, maybe you could be called catatonic. But you are aware. You have no choice but to lie there like a lump and you don’t even get a say in the way your body adjusts, as if it is turning while asleep. You can only watch your knees, or the shapes in the bathroom tile, as every little thought you have disconnects itself from one another and reconnects in odd ways.

You are lying in a bath of resin, and when it sets with the heat death of the universe, you’ll be stuck. You’d like to see it, but first you must wait. It is very thin resin. It will take a while to freeze.

By some miracle, twenty minutes later, you manage to roll over, and pull out the plug. But not before letting your hair drag in the water like seaweed and being afraid of the way light refracts, so your knees look huge, as you curl over in child’s pose. You are little more than an animate corpse, and you are not really aware of this, either. You are just watching.

By some miracle, you exit the bath.

You forget all but the most specific of vaguenesses of what it was like.

You are no longer trapped in your own body.

[END TRANSCRIPT]


	9. Transcript 109

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi: amelie mentions smoking weed

[RECORDING STARTED AT 1305 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Salut! Happy new year! I was invited to a lovely party with Lena's friends. I've met them a few times, but they're confident in my rehabilitation now, and have become open to conversation.   
  
I tried cannabis last night. It wasn't as good as Lena's friend Lúcio made it out to be. I fear I will feel a faint effect for quite a while yet. I got... excited. I was among good company, so it was not as scary as it could have been. My good friend Satya Vaswani sat by, drinking a little wine. She is lovely. I'm so lucky that we were introduced. We get along like a house on fire. (Well - not literally. In fact we are quite cool.)   
  
However, they were endlessly amused by the way I [SARCASTIC AIR QUOTES] "demolished" the hors d'oeuvres.   
  
Here's to a new year, ma caméra! It was only two years ago I last addressed you in this way. What a long two years it has been.   
  
Onwards we go!

[END TRANSCRIPT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i _do_ tend to write this series along with real time events, if you haven't noticed. it's a good exercise :)
> 
> happy new year! let's make it a good one!


	10. Chatlog 1.0

[22:38] BOT Amélie: testing…

[22:39] BOT Amélie: Oh!

[22:39] BOT Fatale: AH

[22:39] BOT Amélie: YOU!

[22:39] BOT Amélie: Why is it doing that?

[22:39] BOT Fatale: Glitches. Bad internet.

[22:40] BOT Amélie: Ahhh we ahhh

[22:40] BOT Amélie: we can, we can

[22:40] BOT Amélie:  _ talk  _ to each other!

[22:40] BOT Fatale: We can. I love you.

[22:40] BOT Fatale: As soon as we fix the formatting.

[22:44] BOT Fatale: Seems it fixes itself.

[22:44] BOT Amélie: Aaah!

[22:44] BOT Fatale: Relaaaaax. <3

[22:45] BOT Amélie: <3

[14:21] BOT Amélie: hey, fatale. Look at me.

[14:22] BOT Fatale: Hmm?

[14:22] BOT Amélie: bitch.

[14:23] BOT Fatale: D:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tupperware tupperware


	11. Transcript 110

[RECORDING STARTED AT 0950 HOURS]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

[LIGHT STREAMS THROUGH THE WINDOW. A. LACROIX HAS HER HAIR IN A PONYTAIL.]

Hello again. It’s been a very, very long time. I’ve neglected you so. I’m sure there are many things you would love to hear, and to catch up on, but I’m afraid I don’t have any more shenanigans to tell you. You see… this will be the last video diary I make.

[A. LACROIX PREENS.]

Because it has been three years, to _this_ day, since we escaped Talon.

...

Look at me. I plan out what I want to say, and then when I get in front of the camera, it flies out of my head. [CHUCKLE.] Some things never change.

It has been an incredible journey. We’ve become so much stronger. We’ve changed so much. We’ve become the kinds of people we never would’ve guessed we _could_ be. Just like I knew she could, Fatale has become the most beautiful, kind hearted, _strong_ person I know. She makes me proud to know her. She is the one who makes us feel alive.

I, myself, have gained back some of my snark. My sharp wit, sharp tongue, and soft love were never truly stamped out, and it’s the greatest gift to rediscover! We never thought it was possible. No - we thought it _was_ impossible. We thought we’d be doomed to suffer for the rest of our lives, even _after_ escaping hell.

But we have… important news.

…

L… Fatale suggested that we do something with these videos. So we talked about it. We talked at considerable length. Then we kind of, forgot about it, for a few months. [BRANDISHES A FINGER.] But we _did_ make a decision.

[INHALES.]

We’re going to submit these videos to the UN. All of them. They’re going to be transcripted and archived as evidence, to help incriminate certain parties, and to clear our name. We have received barebones pardons, but this is something we both know has to be done.

…

[PAUSES. EXPRESSION FALLS. SHE CROUCHES AND LOOKS INTO THE CAMERA. WHISPERS.]

To anyone who may see this…

[VERY LONG PAUSE.]

There are still too many things I could explain, and I don’t have enough time or words to say them. My tongue is heavy, and to define these thoughts would be to destroy them. I hope you understand. I hope that the contents of what I’ve - no, _we’ve_ created, becomes useful to someone, somewhere, in some way. It may not clear my name, but at least it might do that. I want to help people. We want to help people.

I don’t know. I _can’t_ know where it will go. But I pray it reaches someone who needs help, because we know people like us exist... and... we love you.

[SHE TENDERLY KISSES THE CAMERA HOUSING.]

Go far, ma caméra.

We will go on without you.

[END TRANSCRIPT.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[credits music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiJqxd5HY7s)]


End file.
